Like many across the U.S. today, my heart is heavy, my mind is disturbed, my spirit is churning, by one more senseless tragedy. I have turned off the television coverage. I have limited myself to the printed word, for this allows me a little more emotional distance than images of the aftermath of carnage, images of grieving families, and the endless talk, talk, talk by news commentators and their hastily rounded up “experts” on the human psyche, with their frustrating speculations on why we humans do the things we do.
As a person who has struggled with depression, I am aware of my unique sensitivities, and how the cares of the world can trigger a downward spiral, so I cope by limiting exposure to that which can overwhelm my senses. As a trauma survivor, “soul memory” can be triggered by talk and images of violence. So, I’ve taken a step back from the emotionality of our collective grief. This is the work of recovery: learning your triggers, learning coping strategies, managing our inner world to help us negotiate the unmanageability of the outer world. Occasionally, though, despite my own inner turmoil, I am compelled to speak, particularly when outrageous things are said that go unchallenged. I am particularly frustrated when there is an effort to capsulize very complex issues into sound bites and simple solutions.
One of those complex issues is our relationship with guns in this country. I agree with those who say that there needs to be better gun regulation, as well as a more lengthy background check prior to purchase. I could support regulations requiring a psychological profile for potential gun owners, if somehow, we could agree on what the questions would be. Here’s the thing, we only seem to have this particular national conversation in the aftermath of incidents like Sandy Hook, or Columbine, or any number of mass murder events where innocents are mostly unknown, or only peripherally known to the shooter. I would ask why we don’t have these conversations when poor, urban children die, or when husbands murder their wives and sometimes children, and then commit suicide using guns. These things happen much more frequently. I say this to make the point that there needs to be a protracted conversation about violence, the propensity for violence that goes beyond access to, and regulations of guns. This conversation would just be a starting point for getting to the deeper issues that maybe have to do with our fear, our sense of powerlessness and our disconnectedness from each other.
Another of those complex issues hits me where I live (my inner world), and also where I work. I run a nonprofit whose mission is to provide recovery support to individuals living with mental illness, addiction and trauma. Between our two sites, more than 6,000 individuals have walked through our doors at least once. We promote ourselves as “run by and for people living in recovery.” We don’t require that people be in treatment. We assume that everyone who comes through the door is a person needing support for their recovery journey. We recognize that the 20+ individuals that comprise the staff of our organization are the walking, talking poster children of what living with a mental illness, or in addiction and trauma recovery looks like. So it stands to reason that we take issue when the “experts” get together and decide what needs to happen with people living with mental illness. Just like everyone who owns a gun is not going to go on a murderous and suicidal rampage, nor is every person living with a mental illness likely to do so.
Certain people of faith have a simple answer to violence in schools; return God and prayer to those “Godless” environments. I am a strong, somewhat orthodox Christian. Because of my own eclectic religious tradition background, I can flow from deeply conservative to radical charismatic faith expression, and most points in-between. The orthodoxy comes from that which is a foundational part of my belief system that allows me to be comfortable in these seemingly disparate religious environments. That foundation has to do with who and what is God? ; What is the role and purpose of prayer? And when and where does that intersect with my daily living? For the record, I was born in the late 1950’s, and I have no recollection of prayer ever being a part of my public school experience. Also, for the record, not sure that I would have supported any public school that required my children to participate in religious teaching and prayer. Why? Because I believed that it was my job as a parent to impart my religious/spiritual beliefs to my children; AND, some religious folk have some wacky ideas that I wouldn’t want my children confused by or polluted with. One of those wacky ideas is being shared around the various social media; the notion that prayer in schools would have prevented this, and other senseless acts of violence. This nonsensical concept is obviously being shared by folks, who like me, consider themselves devout Christians. It is to them that I direct this question…. Do you really think that God is limited by human efforts at containment? In countries that have outlawed “religion”, faith in a sovereign God persists. Do you really think that prayer is restricted by rules and laws? It is to you that I say God lives in the people who know Him. To you I say God hears our prayers wherever we are, even when we don’t use words. To you I say, God is limitless, and prayer has no boundaries. Teach your children this concept, and wherever they are, there will God be also.
There are no easy answers. The answers are not easy because the issues are complex. The complexity has to do with this false notion that we humans are independent of other humans. Tragedies like these do not happen in a vacuum. Just like when a volcano erupts, there are days, weeks, months, even, of underground activity that is observable and measurable. I would speculate that there were early signs that were missed, minimized or ignored by the community of humanity that surrounded the perpetrator of this horror. I’m including myself in the community of humanity, for I live in a world where unspeakable crimes happen every day in the name of politics and power. I live in a world where gun violence is used as a means of entertainment without regard for those among us with unique sensitivities. I live in a world where language can be violent, where music can be assaultive, where being different can feel and be isolating, where those who might ask for help are shamed, where places that purport to be havens of safety and healing, are not. We all collectively grieve in the face of the horror. What will it take for us to open our eyes and our hearts to the community of humanity that surrounds us; to do our part to prevent these horrors from happening again? What will it take?
So, Note to Self: Remember that each person you meet is a child of the living God and is deserving of love and respect, even if, especially if, they don’t know this themselves. Help me, God of humanity, to remember, that as I surrender to your will, I yield all that I am to your purpose, and that I become a living reflection of your love. I will not stop trying to rise to that bar of perfect love you have set. I will need your help. Thank you. Amen.
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